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Bass InFractions

 

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Check out the GiveAway from BASSIX Studio

 

 

Submitted for your amusement

(and the fact that you will probably relate to some of these things)

By

Christopher Buttner*

Chris will be the author of next issues interview/article with

GEDDY LEE of RUSH

 

Penalties for Bass Infractions

 

NAME OF OFFENDing Bass Player_______________________

 

INFRACTION DATE___________________________

 

MUSICAL OFFENSES

 Playing loudly during warm up                           $10

 Sound-checking amp with funk slapping                $25

 Loud cursing after mistake                               $10

 Playing high and fast after mistake                      $20

 Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes             $20

 Asking for "E" tuning note                                  $25

 Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb                 $50

 Playing written-out walking line                             $50

 Failure to play written walking line                         $75

 Writing note names over ledger-line notes                $50

 Writing beat numbers under dotted figures              $50

 Playing eighth notes                                        $5 each

 Playing sixteenth notes                                    $10 each

 Playing above 1st octave                     Immediate Dismissal

 Dragging fast tempo                                          $75

 Dragging ballad tempo                                       $100

 Blacking out during ballad                                    $200

 Ignoring drummer's tempo                                   $100

 Following drummer's tempo                                  $250

 Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me               $1000

 

UPRIGHT PLAYERS

 Showing up before first downbeat                            $25

 Playing audibly                                                    $25

 Faking changes                                                    $25

 Slapping                                                           $150

 Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass            $25

 Excessive sweating                                                 $25

 Pedal point double-stops during horn solo                     $50

 Asking leader for a solo                                          $30

 Accepting solo when offered                                     $50

 Taking second chorus                                            $100

 Playing solo arco                                                   $400

 Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune        $100

 Playing "A Train" ending on every tune                        $200

 Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune           $500

 

ELECTRIC PLAYERS

 Checking hair between tunes                                     $15

 Experimenting with odd meters                                  $25

 Missing root at end of blistering fill                             $25

 Playing with a pick                                                  $50

 Tuning during ballad                                                $30

 Playing Jaco groove on samba                                   $75

 Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad                           $150

 Attempting last word on final chord                              $50

 Achieving last word on final chord                               $100

Long gliss down to final note                                      $200

 

EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC

 Forgetting strap                                                    $10

 Changing strings after every set                                 $15

 Using electric tuner                                                 $15

 Setting up mic "just in case"                                      $75

 Forgetting to turn amp on                                         $40

 Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip       $50

 Asking horn player for help moving amp                       $25

 Bringing custom-made bass              $100 per string above 4

  Bringing more than 1 bass                      $100 per extra bass

 Skull decals on bass                                               $150

 Bringing fretless bass                                            $500

 

CRIMINAL BAD TASTE

 Telling bone player about all the gigs you get                     $10

 Asking bone player about their day gig                              $10

 Sitting behind drums on break                                         $10

 Quoting "Birdland"                                                        $25

 Practicing scales during break                                         $25

 Practicing scales during drum solo                                    $50

 Practicing                                                                 $150

 Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..."        $50

 Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are "into sequencing"                                                        $100

 

BASIC STUPIDITY

 Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt          $10

 Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt         $20

 Asking when the rock set starts            $20

 Continually asking "where are we?"          $25

 Continually shouting "Yeah!"                 $25

 Asking bone player where "1" is              $50

 Taking cell phone call during 4's            $100

 *webster comment:  I've also seen this list on R. Stevie Moore''s page at http://www.angelfire.com/nj2/rsmkjo/bass2.html, where he claims no authorship.  R. Stevie is the son of Nashville great Bob Moore.

 

                                  

                                       

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